#tw: brief mention of su!c!de attempt

[gaylittlemans]

I am so inexplicably tired and vessel!Dazai has been haunting me so I will info dump about this dumb little AU because I can

This probably will not make sense, will make it seem like I don’t understand his character (who actually does? Besides his creator, obviously. Probably), or won’t have proper grammar but in the world of this shit, he will become a part of my personality if I do not write him down. So!

First, little stuffs about this AU because I can:

Dazai is trans here (FtM) because I kin him inexplicably and so am I, but he doesn’t experience that much gender dysphoria (mostly because he feels just a little disconnected from his body) and honestly what is the point of worrying about what body you have when the embodiment of the allure of death is currently using your body as her host? Exactly. There isn’t one. Also because I want to give this man a break on hating himself.

Basically everything about this AU is the exact same as the original, but Dazai is the vessel of a god, similarly to Chuuya. Some people do know about the whole kinda being a god thing, but not everyone. When he was Demon Prodigy, Mori kept and convinced Dazai to keep the vessel thing mostly a secret because it was better to keep as much information about him shrouded in mystery and basically make speaking his title mean the invitation of death, rather than let Dazai go and murder everyone as a vessel. I will sort of expand on this later. Probably.

Chuuya still has Arahabaki. He gets called ‘Baki’ in the rare times his name is mentioned in their world because I refuse to respect the god of destruction (Dazai started calling Arahabaki ‘Baki’ and Chuuya eventually found himself calling him that too). Dazai’s possessor’s ‘Machiko’, but might sometimes be called ‘Chiko’ or some other nickname instead.

Dazai is just slightly cannibalistic.

I ship Soukoku, which will probably be obvious by the way I write them. Neither revolves around the other, but they are both permanently drawn to one another.

Dazai struggles with skin picking in this au because he kinda craves the taste of blood thanks to Chiko so he does care a little bit more about his hygiene in this au so he doesn’t have anything to pick. His hands are very soft in his world. My man is moisturized 😚

So, Dazai.

He’s around seven years old. His life has been nothing but dehumanizing and cruel and cold. He’s being raised in a neighborhood of rich assholes who think they’re all better than one another because of meaningless, materialistic means. (Death will claim all of them in the end, so it doesn’t matter what they do, anyhow. He won’t say anything about them, though. If they need to hide from Her gaze, he won’t judge.) His parents are controlling and overbearing and want him to grow up to be some rich asshole’s trophy wife. He doesn’t want that to happen, but his body will not let him say anything to disappoint them. He can’t afford their ire; he’s seen what they do to people who think they can and the least he can say is that it looks painful.

He’s been raised by nannies and caretakers his entire life thus far and some of them were nice, but most of them just followed his parents orders to make him behave.

Modest, pretty, demure.

Modest, pretty, demure.

Those were the most important things for a little girl his age to learn. Of course. He is nothing, he is not human, if he doesn’t behave. If he doesn’t act modestly and polite. If the boys in the neighborhood tug on his skirt, he is to hold it still so they cannot expose him. If the girls in his private school pick on him for his doe eyes and thousand yard stare, he is to be reserved and accept their insults graciously and not respond to their taunts.

He is a monster if he raises his voice, or disobeys his parents or caretakers or teachers, or acts out of line—acts like a child. His purpose of being brought into the world is to grow up to serve his future husband and children and be pretty.

So he kills them.

The voice of death herself whispers in his ears at night, when the moon is full and bright, that they do not deserve their gifts, they do not deserve their gifts of breath and life.

So he takes them away like she says to.

He stands in the woods beyond the gated mansions in a white, blood splattered nightgown and a pair of what are probably Mary Jane’s, but he’s not for certain and white, just as blood splattered, socks. He doesn’t remember much of what he did, but he does not mind. The cool night, late summer breeze reaches his skin through the minuscule layers he wears. He has always run cold, kind of like what you would expect a corpse to feel like (they’re actually room temperature), and has yet to build the habit of halfway mummifying himself. Bad circulation, doctors had told him. How fun.

Here is where he sees her for the first time, the woman—the God—who changes his life forever, with the handle of one of his father’s expensive kitchen knives grasped in his right hand as the left toys with the seam of his dress. She’s beautiful. She speaks to him, but he does not remember all of what she says. He remembers “Machiko”. It must be her name. He also remembers her permitting him to call her a nickname, as he’s young and he deserves to choose what he calls his friend.

Chiko offers him her hand and Dazai’s left hand goes numb. As if puppeteered, he moves to take her hand and she smiles at him. For only the second or so time in his life, he feels warm.

Dazai learns a lot from her. He would kill without her influence, but she tells him to embrace death and its endless, inescapable dance and he does.

Perhaps too much.

Mori Ougai was a man, a doctor, whom was highly praised by rich folks he’d grown up around (and consequently been raised by after the murder of his parents). He had met the man before, who had said he was interesting and reminded him of himself. In his adulthood, Dazai was ashamed to have felt pride at the fact Mori found him intriguing, or that the man saw himself reflected in the shattered, blank soul of his.

At fourteen, his adoptive parents rushed him to the doctor another attempt at death. He woke up, hazy and exhausted, and strapped to a bed with an oxygen mask, IV in his arm, and a heart monitor. Machiko screamed at him, for his safety and his body, to not listen to the man in the white coat who offered him a reason to live, a purpose to life outside of being a vessel. Just like he’d subconsciously been searching for.

He did not listen to her.

Dazai would say he was built to be a mafioso. And it was easy enough to sever ties with his adoptive family—they weren’t too attached, anyways—and old life.

When he was fifteen years old, he met the most annoying person on earth; Chuuya Nakahara.

Every move the boy makes is so completely full of life and energy. Dazai would say he was envious, but he was not. Machiko was drawn to the boy, though, or—as he truly found out—she was drawn to Arahabaki. Death and destruction go hand in hand, he supposed. And it seems Dazai wasn’t the only one who felt that pull towards the other.

Boo. Feelings sucked. He wouldn’t say he had a crush on Chuuya, no, never, but he was drawn to the redhead like the pull of gravity said redhead controlled.

But the first time he had seen Corruption, seen the final form of Upon The Tainted Sorrow, Dazai had been mesmerized. For all his wit and bravado, he still had no explanation as to why he found this redheaded slug so enchanting, even seven years later.

Machiko still hailed over him, but she was not his puppeteer. She guided him and attempted to help him through inexplicably human issues, but she did not attempt to forcibly take control of him. If she was in charge of his body, it was entirely because he had allowed her too. He spoke with her on the regular—she was a mentor who hadn’t forced herself into that roll exactly as Mori had.

Machiko was the god of death, yet also the god of allure, of temptation, of beauty, and of yearning. Some called her the moon. Others simply didn’t know of her existence. It didn’t matter to Dazai. His mentor knew how to be merciful, despite the blood and desolation she craved.

Chuuya clearly remembered the day he’d discovered Dazai was also a vessel.

Things had been dangerous and he had still been injured from a mission Mori had sent them out on previously. He had been occupied by a horde of enemies when he’d lost track of Dazai amongst the commotion. Grunts were incapacitated or dead at his feet before he knew it.

Now, he would never admit it, but looking around and not finding the dark, sullen eye of his partner watching him from a safe distance had scared him. Made him anxious.

He pushed his way into a corridor that had been blocked by debris during the fight that he could almost sense Dazai’s shenanigans coming from and walked—maybe just a bit quicker than normal—until he saw bodies scattered and crimson pooling. In the center of this crop circle of cadaver was his partner, small, white, star-like marks twinkling across what very little skin was exposed to the open air, ripping out the throat of one of their enemies with his teeth. Blood soaked his clothes and his bandages.

Chuuya felt unreasonably calm, and oddly awestruck, at the sight.

And that’s all I can write 😚 ‘cause I am so tired. I dunno what else to say, ‘cause this is just about all my smooth little brain has let me know about the blorbos of today, but yeah. Thank you if you actually read all of this. :3333

Have a good day/night/morning/afternoon/evening!! Remember to drink water, eat, take your meds, all that.

Byeeeeee <3333

[385bookreviews]

1.128.1 They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera

SPOILERS (for both TBDATE and TFTDATE)

Pages: 368

Read Time: 4 hours and 8 minutes

Overall Rating: 3★ Storyline: 3.5★ Dialogue: 3★ Characters: 3.5★

Genre: YA Fiction

TWs for the book: Extensive discussion of death, mentions of catcalling, loss of loved ones, death, mild gang violence, guns, police, comas, fighting, animal death, su*c*de attempt, discussion of terminal illnesses, explosion, brief mentions of p*rn and s*x, burns and house fires, car accident, panic attacks, catcalling

POV: Switches back and forth between first person for Mateo and Rufus; third person for Victor, Andrea, Delilah, Dalma, Zoe, Peck, Malcolm, The Plutos, The Gang with No Name, Howie, Officer Andrade, Damien, Dierdre, Vin, Kendrick, Tagoe, Lidia, and Aimee.

Time Period/Location: New York City, September 5, 2017

First Line: 12:22 A.M. Death-Cast is calling with the warning of a lifetime--I'm going to die today.

In the year 2017, Death-Cast is a company that between the hours of 12am-3am know who is going to die that day and calls people to tell them. They don’t know exactly when or how, just that in the next 24 hours they’ll die. 18 year old Mateo Torrez and 17 year old Rufus Emeterio both receive the call, Mateo while he is in bed watching other Deckers live out their End Days, and Rufus while he jumps his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend, Peck. Mateo plans to visit his father, as he in a coma at the hospital from a stroke, and his best friend Lidia and his goddaughter Penny. He ends up not leaving his apartment, anxious and paranoid. Rufus, however, decides to hold his own funeral with his foster parents, foster brothers, and Aimee, his ex. Aimee shows up with a beaten and bruised Peck, and is angry at Rufus but more upset that he is dying. While he says goodbye to his family, the police shows up courtesy of Peck and Rufus runs. Malcom and Tagoe, his foster brothers, get arrested trying to cover for him. When Rufus realizes he's on his own for the day, he gets on the Last Friend app and connects with Mateo, who is looking for someone to drag him out of the apartment. Rufus does exactly that, and they visit his dad in the hospital, eat breakfast, and then visit Lidia and Penny. Lidia is suspicious, as Mateo isn't planning on telling her he's dying today. He leaves her money and bolts out of the apartment, blocking her number so she can't reach him. Mateo desperately wants to live out moments of his life he never got to have due to his severe paranoia and anxiety, so they go to Make-A-Moment and virtual reality skydive. They visit Central Park and Althea Park, visit Mateo's mom's grave, and visit a bookstore. As they leave the bookstore, the gym next door blows up, but they thankfully survive. Mateo eventually decides he wants to reconnect with Lidia, and she meets them at the Travel Arena, where they go through exhibits meant to be a tour around the world for people who are dying and can't travel. Mateo decides to be brave and jump off a cliff into water with Rufus and Lidia, and it helps Rufus get over his fear of water. Malcom and Tagoe are released from prison and call Rufus, and they agree to meet at Clint's Graveyard, a bar for Deckers. Rufus and Mateo sing karaoke and afterwards share a kiss, Mateo coming out as gay for the first time. They celebrate and dance, until Peck shows up with his gang of 2 other boys, and he attempts to shoot Rufus, but is punched by Mateo and the gang is arrested while Mateo and Rufus escape. They go back to Mateo's apartment and fall asleep together, but while Rufus is still asleep, Mateo goes to make tea in the kitchen and turns on the stove, causing it to explode. Rufus drags Mateo's body out of the apartment but he is already dead. Grieving, Rufus steps out into the road and gets hit by a car.

Mateo Torrez: Mateo chose to never live his life to the fullest because he lived in constant fear of death. When death comes for him anyways, he decides to finally live his life to the fullest while he can. It takes him awhile to branch out and do things out of his comfort zone, and even after he does, he still wants to play it safe at the end. I like that while he shows growth throughout the book, his change and progress isn't instantaneous.

Rufus Emeterio: Even though Rufus is also scared of his own death, he behaves incredibly bravely throughout the book, refusing to not let fear control him. He was the perfect opposite to Mateo. His realization that the person he was starting to become when he was beating up Peck was not the person he really was or ever wanted to be really showed his character, because even when people are dying they don't always have that much insight into themself.

Storyline: As always, Adam Silvera finds a way to intricately connect his main characters to even the most minor character you wouldn't expect to be relevant, like the boy Mateo tells Rufus he gave his sneakers to turning out to be one of the gang members and that past act of kindness potentially being what saved Mateo's life in that moment. On the first read through I loved Mateo and Rufus ending up together because it was what I expected from the book, but upon the second read through I almost find myself wishing Mateo and Rufus had just stayed friends. They didn't have nearly as much romantic chemistry in my opinion as Valentino and Orion did in The First To Die At The End. Also, if the Death-Cast call had never happened, Valentino and Orion still would have fallen in love, they just would have had more time together, adding to the tragedy. But Rufus and Mateo most likely never would have met or even been friendly with one another had they not met the way they did. There were hints that they had feelings for each other, but Rufus went from turning down a pretty girl because he was still having feelings for Aimee to suddenly being in love with Mateo and it felt forced, at least on Rufus' end.

Representation: Mateo is gay and Puerto Rican, Rufus is Cuban and bisexual, other characters come from various African American and Latine cultures. Tagoe has a tic, and Deidre, an employee at Make-A-Moment who gets her own chapter, is stated to be a lesbian.

Summary: As I have said before, I am not the biggest fan of some of the dialogue in the Death-Cast books, but that is purely my own preference. Overall, it is an emotional book with a lot of heart-stopping moments and the ending is absolutely devastating, even though you know fully what's going to happen.

Quotes: "It's all going away, everyone and everything is dying. Humans suck, man. We think we're so damn indestructible and infinite because we can think and take care of ourselves, unlike payphones or books, but I bet the dinosaurs thought they'd rule forever too."-Rufus (p. 194) "There are questions I can't answer. I cannot tell you how you will survive without me. I cannot tell you how to mourn me. I cannot convince you to not feel guilty if you forget the anniversary of my death, or if you realize days or weeks or months have gone by without you thinking about me. I just want you to live."-Mateo (p. 322) "I miss when I was so young I didn't know to be afraid of death."-Mateo (p. 336) "I would've loved you if we had more time."-Mateo (p. 342)

[ds-sparrow-manufacturing-co]

A Rebuttal

Ok so I really did not want to make this post. I would’ve loved to have left this whole thing behind because I’m aware I made some mistakes and would like to atone for them, but it seems I’m going to have to go over this one more time. For anyone seeing this post who somehow doesn’t know, I said some regrettable things about Aidan Gallagher here. I later made another post here summarising the entire situation that resulted, so I would suggest you read that first. 

I’m still getting people telling me what I said was fucked up, which is entirely justified. However, I have just now realised that the person who took it upon themselves to ‘correct’ me about my opinions of Aidan Gallagher (something that has not changed, I still strongly dislike him) later made several derogatory posts about me. I was not aware of this because after the first rude post they made about me, I blocked them to save myself the additional stress. 

I have done my best to deal with this whole thing as calmly and politely as possible. When this person was downright evil towards me, I didn’t bother to argue with them, I just made an admittedly-snarky post with a screenshot of what they said, and then blocked them because I had no desire to begin an argument. When I realised that what I had said about Aidan Gallagher had been fucked up, I apologised, accepted my mistake and did what I could to fix it. But I am out of patience. I don’t take kindly to being treated the way this person has treated me, I don’t think anyone does. So here I am, about to break down everything they said about me bit by bit to show you how much of a lying scumbag they have been towards me (as well as possibly others).

warning: this post is incredibly long

tw: su*c*de mentions

My first interaction with this person was when i got an anon ask who wanted to know what Aidan Gallagher had done to make me dislike him. I responded with a brief list, excluding most of my evidence because it was late at night and I didn’t have the energy to go down the rabbit hole of all this. The following day, the blog this post is about reblogged my post, attempting to disprove everything I said. I will not include screenshots here, because it was a long post, you can find it in my archive if you so wish. I read what they said, took everything into account, and responded with my proof for things I hadn’t previously included the proof for, as well as explanations for why certain things he’s said annoyed/upset me. I expected a polite response, as we had both been courteous so far. 

Instead,  I received the following:

Now, lets break down some of what they said.

‘stop saying things you can’t prove, because it’s fake’ - I provided my proof. I am not trying to lie to anyone, or perpetuate rumours. All I aimed to do was explain my point of view and why I personally dislike him.

‘some of your screenshots are fake’ - That’s just blatantly untrue, especially as they have at other points said things along the lines of ‘well yes but he apologised/he didn’t mean it like that’ for everything I have provided screenshots for. Make up your mind.

‘you’re so gullible’ - For... having an opinion? That I researched before forming? And which is based on something other than my blind faith in a 17 year old? Right.

This was when I blocked them.

I thought that was going to be the end of the situation. Then, I got some asks.

I saw this and, being a minor, was a little creeped out. I had assumed this person was a teenage fangirl because that’s who the majority of Aidan Gallgher’s fans are so this information was surprising.

This one scared me. I did what the anon suggested, created a backup (i won’t tag it here because I get the feeling some of the aforementioned ‘army’ are going to see this) and reported the other blog. Once again, I thought it was over.

It was at this point that people started telling me how fucked up what I said in my original post was, and I realised they were right. As mentioned at the start of this post, I apologised, and did everything I could to fix it. End of, right?

Until today, where I started thinking about what the above anons had said and decided to fact check, mainly out of curiosity. I unblocked the blog, only to discover they had made 3 posts about me that I hadn’t seen.

This was the first one, as you can see they began it with a screenshot of my original post. Let’s talk about this.

“but you wishing him dead is ok?” - I never wished him dead, to start with. Stabbing does not automatically equal death, but I know that’s nitpicky of me. I also did not wish he was stabbed. I said in that exact tag that I didn’t, because of TUA. However, I know that this ‘joke’ was really shitty of me, and I have already apologised multiple times.

“what kind of a low life do you have to be to have nothing better to do, but talk shit about a kid?” - Why don’t you tell me? As I’ve said multiple times, I am a minor. That doesn’t excuse what I said, but that does make it incredibly hypocritical of them to say that given everything.

This was the second post they made about me, beginning with the same screenshot as in the first post.

“they’re spreading false rumors” - I’ve already covered this one.

“they want a reason to be mean, even if it isn’t true” - I would never be mean to someone if they hadn’t done anything to deserve it. I’m a strong believer in the moral philosophy of respecting everyone until they give you a reason not to. Aidan Gallagher has given me more than enough reasons to lose respect for him. And, honestly? I still respect him as an actor, even if only that.

“you can’t say you’re a decent human being and wish someone dead. you can’t say you’re anti-bullying and want to prevent suicide and then bully someone” - That is some big talk from someone who claimed they were ok with what Aidan Gallagher said about mental health because they’ve had their own experiences with suicide, before immediately telling me to rot and burn in hell for disagreeing with them. And, wait a second, wasn’t Aidan Gallagher the one supporting women’s rights and feminism who then turned around and made gross comments towards a bunch of girls? Hmm. Also, wishing someone dead is too wide of a blanket statement to actually measure whether someone is a decent human being with. 

“i tried to be nice” - I didn’t know telling someone to rot in hell, calling them a stupid hoe, was being nice. I didn’t know lying, and telling people to report someone because they disagreed with you was being nice (notice how they never said anything about my stabbing comment until I disagreed with them.) I guess we have very different definitions of nice.

“if they really cared, they would kindly ask a fan if the rumors were true” - And that, ladies gentleman and variations thereupon, is a brilliant example of how not to perform unbiased research! I based my opinion on actual evidence, and neutral articles as well as arguments from both sides. Not on one fan who’s likely to deny everything.

“they said it themselves, they have no proof” - That is so incredibly cherrypicked. What I actually said was “supposedly used the f-slur although i can’t find proof“, one of the many points on my list of reasons I dislike Aidan Gallagher. You know why I said that? Because I found a screenshot of him supposedly having called someone that slur via Instagram but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided it was probably edited. I included the point on my list in the hopes of people doing their own research. And I certainly did not say I had no proof for anything, as you would know if you saw my original response to this blog, where I provided proof.

“threatening him and bullying him is wrong” - I am fully admitting of the fact my stabbing comment was in poor taste but it was very clearly not a threat and not even close to being bullying. Furthermore, I would say making four posts harassing and telling others to harass someone because they disagree with you is a lot closer to being bullying than anything I did was.

“defamation is a crime” - I live in the UK, so let’s use those defamation laws. A statement is not defamation unless it ‘ has caused or is likely to cause serious harm to the reputation of the claimant.’ Less than a hundred people are even aware my blog exists. Nowhere near enough people have seen anything I’ve said to count as defamatory. Not to mention that a statement is not defamatory if it is a statement of opinion.

“you’ll get karma for lying and playing the victim” -  Ohhh the irony. I have not lied once. I have provided all the necessary proof for everything and I have owned up to my mistakes. And yet, they, who have repeatedly lied about me, twisted my words and oddly enough, avoided including proof outside that one screenshot of my original post, are the one accusing me of playing the victim. Classy.

“hi to your little follower that you cry to” - This one’s just hilarious to me. I’m happy to have people on here who will let me know when people are, you know, harassing and bullying me. And, what the hell do they mean by ‘cry to’? Do they mean ‘mentioned that this situation was stressful once’? Wow.

“I promise you misery for the rest of your sad little life” - Honestly just re-read the other screenshots after seeing they said this. Jesus Christ. And, as someone who already struggles with depression and other mental health issues I’m interested to know what they’re intending to do that’s gonna be any worse.

“you’ll pay! that’s not a threat it’s a promise” - Are they planning on tracking me down? Or are they just going to keep sitting on their throne of yes men and echo chambers acting as if they’re actually affecting me? 

I would say this is the last post I plan to make about this situation but I’ve said that over and over again throughout the last 12 days and it’s never the last post. This whole situation has honestly been very emotionally taxing, and combined with some real life things, it’s been a bad week or so. Hopefully this post is enough to end this whole thing. 

[385bookreviews]

1.45.3 Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

SPOILERS

Pages: 390

Time Read: 5 hours and 44 minutes

Overall Rating: 4.5★ Storyline: 4.5★ Dialogue: 4★ Characters: 4.5★

Genre: YA Dystopian

TWs for the book: Death, war, violence, child death, blood, murder, grief, torture, injury, su*c*dal thoughts/attempted su*c*de, fire and burns, gun violence, mental illness, panic attacks, gore, alcoholism, medical content/trauma, addiction and drug use, body horror, police brutality, genocide, confinement, classism, physical abuse, emotional abuse, self harm, kidnapping, forced institutionalization, child abuse, death of a parent, death of a sibling, vomit, slavery, mass shooting, psychosis, gaslighting, animal death, abandonment, toxic relationship, chronic illness, disordered eating, fake miscarriage, pregnancy, brief mentions of forced underage prostitution

POV: First Person

Time Period/Location: Set one month after the events of Catching Fire in District 13, District 12, District 8, District 2, and the Capitol.

First Line: I stare down at my shoes, watching as a fine layer of ash settles on the worn leather.

Katniss visits the remains of District 12 alone. Most of the people didn't make it out and the street is littered with bodies. Her mental state isn't good, and District 13 only agreed to let her make this trip so that way she would be the Mockingjay publicly for them and be a symbol of the rebellion. Her old house was destroyed, but the Victor's Village remains. She goes to get some of her things, and also grabs Buttercup, her sister's ornery cat. When she goes up to her room, President Snow has left a genetically enhanced rose in a vase. This frightens her, and she leaves and goes back to 13 in a hoverplane. 13 is run strictly, the entire population basically a functioning military. Katniss chafes against the schedules and trainings and uses her mental disorientation as an excuse/reason for her absences. When her and Gale arrive back, they go to Command and see that Peeta, who was captured by the Capitol, is doing an interview with Caesar Flickerman. He says he had no knowledge of the rebel plot, and calls for a ceasefire between the districts and the Capitol. Everyone in the Command room immediately begins calling him a traitor. Katniss runs away. After talking with Gale and Prim, she decides that she will be their Mockingjay, but with conditions.

The next morning she goes to Alma Coin, the President of District 13, and lays out her demands. She wants to be able to go above ground and hunt with Gale, Prim gets to keep her cat, Peeta and the other victors are automatically granted immunity for all of their actions before they are rescued, even if they harm the war effort, and she gets to kill President Snow. She also demands that Coin publicly announce this to all of her people. After deliberation, she agrees. Plutarch and his assistant, Fulvia, both Capitol defectors, give her a sketchbook of Cinna's, where he designed the Mockingjay suit for her. They tell her they have the actual thing, and lead her downstairs for a surprise. The surprise, however, ends up shocking everyone. Plutarch had Katniss' prep team rescued, but they were being kept in dungeons in 13, shackled, starved, and beaten, for stealing a bit of extra food. Plutarch orders them freed, and Katniss takes them to the hospital to see her mother. After her and Gale hunt in the woods, Coin makes her announcement to District 13 about Katniss' demand to pardon the victors. She also threatens though, that if Katniss doesn't follow directions, the deal is off the table.

The next day, Katniss' prep team remakes her. She goes to see Beetee, and he has designed new bows for her and Gale. She puts on her suit and goes into a studio where they try to film a scene for one of their "propos". It is a massive flop and Haymitch, now sober, reappears to tell her so, and then calls a meeting with a lot of people from District 12. Everyone gives examples of moments when Katniss inspired them, and Haymitch uses that to make his point that she can't be fed lines, that she has to be on the ground, in the action in order to get spontaneous material. Everyone agrees on this and they fly her to District 8, where bombing from the Capitol has just ended. Katniss goes in and meets with the wounded, talking with them and encouraging them. Just as they are about to leave, the Capitol begins bombing again. They try to hurry Katniss into a bunker, but her and Gale abscond to the roof and begin shooting down Capitol planes. When they come back to the ground, the hospital has been bombed and everyone in it killed. Katniss, at the prompting of Cressida, a film director from the Capitol, gives an impassioned speech letting the districts know that she is alive, and that the Capitol must fall. Then she collapses and is taken back to District 13.

The propos are a hit, and while Katniss rests in the hospital, kept company by Finnick, another interview of Peeta plays. Even though it had only been five days, Peeta has deteriorated significantly. In the interview, Peeta urges Katniss to stop the war. Finnick tells Katniss not to tell anyone that they've seen it, and to her shock, no one informs her about it, not even Gale, which causes them to fight the next day. The propo team has Gale and Katniss go back to District 12 to talk about the bombing and their lives there. Back in the Victor's Village, Katniss kisses Gale, but he tells her she only notices him when he's in pain and stalks off. When they return to 13, Peeta is on TV again, urging the districts to stop fighting. Suddenly, Beetee breaks through the airwaves in the Capitol and puts Katniss and the propos up on TV. This rattles Peeta, who is in an ever worse condition, and he manages to warn the people of District 13 that they'll be "dead by morning". This results in him getting beaten. President Coin decides to heed his warning and evacuates the population into the bomb bunkers. This gives them 10 minutes of extra evacuation time, which saves Prim and Gale's lives as they went back for Buttercup. The Capitol bombs them for three days, but no one dies and the damage is minimal.

Katniss realizes that Snow is using Peeta to break her down. Coin and Plutarch want her and Finnick above ground immediately to film a propo letting the country know that they are safe and alive. When she gets up there though, the ground is littered with Snow's artificial roses, and both her and Finnick have a breakdown and end up back in the hospital. When they wake up, a team has been sent to rescue Peeta, Johanna, and Annie. Gale has also gone on the mission. Katniss is desperate to do something to help, so Haymitch instructs her and Finnick to go and get footage above ground and tell a story or something so Beetee can use it to distract the Capitol. Katniss tells the story of how she met Peeta for the first time, but Finnick begins a long tale of how he was forced into prostitution at 16 by President Snow, and all of the horrible, nasty secrets he knows about the wealthy Capitol citizens. Lastly, he talks about the secrets he knows of President Snow's, revealing that he uses the roses to cover up the scent of blood that comes from sores in his mouth he got from drinking poison. He poisoned all of his political enemies in order to stay in power, and drank from the same glass to avoid suspicion, but the antidotes weren't always perfect.

They all return from the mission alive. Johanna is tortured, and Annie is overjoyed to see Finnick. Katniss runs to see Peeta, but he immediately tries to choke her to death, bruising her throat badly. They later inform her that Peeta's memories of her have been altered using tracker jacker venom. That he thinks she's a mutt made by the Capitol and that he has to kill her. They try to eventually use Delly, a friend of Peeta's from 12, to get him to calm down and open up, but Peeta reacts negatively when he hears that his family is dead and he blames Katniss for all of it. Katniss can't handle being in 13 anymore, and they send her to District 2. She spends awhile moving around 2, hunting with Gale, and listening in on meetings as they try to figure out how to get into and take control of the Capitol's mine, the Nut, which is all buried inside of a mountain. Gale finally proposes the plan that instead of capturing it, they bury the people inside except for one entrance, and then capture whoever escapes. Katniss is appalled by the idea but President Coin approves it anyways. They station Katniss in the square to announce the defeat of the Nut and apprehend any survivors that manage to escape. Just when they think no one is coming, and Katniss is about to give her speech, armed and wounded survivors come pouring out of the train station. Katniss runs towards one wounded man but he aims a gun at her. She talks him down, but is then shot by someone else in the field. She wakes up in a hospital back in 13, missing a spleen and with some bruised ribs from the bullet impacting her suit.

Finnick and Annie get married. Katniss wants to be sent to the Capitol to fight but they refuse to let her until she does three weeks of training. Her and Johanna both do this, rooming and training together, but only Katniss passes the final challenge and is able to go to the Capitol with a sharp shooting squad, including Gale and Finnick, Boggs commanding them. Before they leave though, Coin informs them that they will be the "Star Squad" and only be doing the minimum required to shoot propos, not seeing any actual combat. Katniss is ok with this because she plans to sneak off and kill Snow and then herself. When one of the twin Leeg soldiers is accidentally killed during a propo, Coin sends Peeta to be her replacement. He is immediately put under heavy guard, and Boggs and Katniss speculate that Coin sent him there to kill Katniss. The next day, they go to film a propo but it goes wrong, with the Capitol directly setting off traps in order to kill them. Boggs' legs are blown off, and Peeta tries to kill Katniss, resulting in Mitchell's death. They are chased into a building to escape a toxic, oily black wave that threatens to smother them. Boggs transfers clearance of the Holo, the map showing where all of the Capitol's pods are, to Katniss. After he dies, Jackson, Boggs' second in command, demands she give her control. Katniss refuses, saying she's on a special mission from President Coin to assassinate President Snow. Jackson doesn't believe this, but Cressida backs her up, and they continue on, eventually ending up in the underground of the Capitol, being guided by Pollux. They quickly realize they are being hunted by mutts that are tracking Katniss specifically. While trying to escape, Messalla is melted by an orange ray of light, and Jackson and Leeg stay behind to try and slow down the mutts. Finnick, Homes, and Castor are killed by the mutts, and Katniss blows up the Holo to kill the rest of them and prevent them from following. With only five of them left, Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Cressida, and Pollux, they make their way to an underwear shop owned by a woman named Tigris, a friend of Plutarch's. Katniss is disturbed by the woman's appearance, surgically modified to look like a tiger. Tigris hides them in her basement, and they eat, regroup, and plan their next steps.

As the rebels begin encroaching closer on the center of the Capitol, more refugees begin filing in, and the Peacekeepers begin to assign people to other's houses. When it's announced that President Snow is going to be allowing refugees into his mansion, they make a plan. Cressida and Pollux leave, Gale and Katniss leave, and then Peeta leaves alone to be there to cause a diversion if necessary. On their way there, rebels attack, and the Capitol begins setting off pods and shooting into the crowd, disregarding their own citizens' safety. Gale is captured and tells Katniss to shoot him, but she hesitates and he is dragged away. Just as she makes it to the mansion, she notices children all grouped in front of the mansion in a pen. A Capitol hoverplane drops parachutes, and the children reach up to grab them thinking they are gifts, but they're bombs. Half of them detonate, and then rebel medics from 13 rush in to help. Katniss sees Prim and yells her name, but the rest of the bombs go off. Prim is killed and Katniss is caught on fire. She wakes up in a hospital again, suffering major burn wounds and having to receive skin grafts. Coin has taken over as President, and the rebels have won. Katniss is sent to temporarily live in the mansion, with Haymitch to look after her since her mother is busy working and grieving. She has lost her ability to talk, and becomes addicted to the morphling they give her, until one day, she goes to the greenhouse. Guards try to stop her, but Commander Paylor tells them to let her in. She goes to find a white rose to pin to Snow's lapel before she executes him, when she finds him sitting right there. He tells her that Coin bombed the children and the rebel doctors, and she realizes that it was one of Gale's traps that he designed. She is disgusted with him, and after a cold goodbye, they don't see each other again. The day she is supposed to execute Snow, her prep team comes to dress her, and Effie Trinket, still alive, comes to escort her. First though, their is a meeting with Coin of all the remaining victors. She proposes there be a final Hunger Games held with Capitol children. Peeta, Annie, and Beetee vote no, but Enobaria, Haymitch, Katniss, and Johanna vote yes.

Katniss aims her bow at President Snow, ready to take him out, but she shoots and kills Coin instead. She tries to take her nightlock pill as the crowd converges on her and Snow, but Peeta stops her. The soldiers take her and lock her in her old room in the training center. Over the course of weeks, she attempts to starve herself to death, but before that can happen, Haymitch comes to get her and says they're going back to District 12. Plutarch tells her on the plane ride that Snow was either killed by the mob or choked to death on his own blood. Paylor was made President, and Plutarch is now in charge of the airwaves. They had a trial for Katniss and determined that she was just mentally disturbed and traumatized, so she is given leave to go back to 12 as long as she talks to her psychologist on the phone. When she arrives home, Greasy Sae comes over with her granddaughter every day to make her eat two meals. But Katniss doesn't move from in front of the fire. After awaking one morning to the sound of shovel, she runs outside and sees Peeta planting primrose bushes in her front yard. This finally prompts her to pull herself together. She goes into town, where some people are beginning to cart away the dead and try to rebuild. She learns that Madge and her whole family are dead. She goes into the woods, but feels sick and goes back home. When she comes back, Buttercup has returned, all the way from District 13. Him and Katniss grow closer as Katniss finally allows herself to mourn Prim's death. Annie gives birth to her and Finnick's baby, and Katniss and Peeta get closer again by making a memory book of all the people they have lost.

Years later, Peeta and Katniss have children, and, while still struggling with nightmares, are happy together in 12.